I’m starting my blog today by congratulating my Maximus. His vet, “Aunty Sandra,” said that he needs to be on a low protein diet now. He’s 15 (rough estimate, as he was between 2 and 5 when we adopted him). At 15, I still consider him a kitten, but have had to start buying ‘senior’ food for him. This is certainly not me accepting he’s an older boy, I’m just complying with our vet, as she’s pretty fantastic. When I first introduced it, he gave me a look like ‘you have got to be kidding me!.’ He seemed so insulted, but 2 weeks on and he’s eating the senior food without any hunger strikes. Phew! What a boy! Love him. My cousin, Marit, and I had a telephone conversation last night about the discerning palate of cats. It’s so lovely to have a family member on my wavelength in the world of cat! Xxx

Yesterday morning I just could not lift my mood. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything. One of my hubby’s ex-colleagues popped in and his words really helped me. He said that we should never apologise for how we feel, nor should we try and stop ourselves feeling this way. I seem to be repeatedly apologising for feeling a little lost in this world right now. His wisdom really did help me, and it certainly made me more accepting of my current mood.

When I take my parents out, I’m constantly watching them to see the potential dangers if I wasn’t there. I know my hubby and daughter both worry that as ‘primary carer’ to my parents, I would lose my identity as their daughter. I’m trying to establish whether I’m strong enough to leave them, and try to get myself back to work. After filling their car with petrol (yes, I still hate driving the red lawn mower around!), my Mum took Dad in to pay. She wanted Dad to use his bank card. As I was sat in the car, I felt anxious about this. After some time, they came out. Mum said Dad had not known what numbers to put in, so she’d written the pin on a piece of paper, at the till point!!! I asked her where the piece of paper was, she told me that it was in her purse along with his card. Marvellous! At the pedestrian crossing in town, instead of waiting for the lights to stop the traffic, my Dad started to walk forward, Mum followed his lead. I had to pull them both back. This then happened again in another road, Dad stepped out into oncoming traffic. This petrifies me. He has lost his peripheral vision, and between them, their judgement is not great. How can I leave them to it?

On a positive note, I want to thank Kerran, Assistant Manager at Specsavers. My Dad has lost his reading glasses. I took my parents into the Opticians yesterday afternoon. She was so empathetic. I ordered Dad a new pair of readers and a pair of long distance. To avoid confusion, we’ve gone for different colours for each pair. I can’t thank Kerran enough for her time and patience. She’s such a lovely person and I’m so grateful for human kindness xxx

Today’s title has no relevance to my blog, I just wanted to write a word close to my heart 😉



2 thoughts on “Chocolate

  1. Firstly, ‘chocolate’ is never a bad title for anything and needs no explanation!! Secondly, well done to the Mighty Maximus for getting his head and chops around ‘senior’ food – our late Minnie loved it (but then her early years of starvation on the streets meant she ate anything!). Lastly, a personal thought in response to the dilemma of being both a daughter and a primary carer at the same time. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the wonderfully close relationship with my parents that you have with yours – I had a strong unspoken bond with my father but my mother interposed herself between us in his latter years, making it impossible to have any impact on his wellbeing. However, despite that, I recognise that feeling of suddenly wondering who I was. With both parents, and to some extent with Jeremy, I had to try and separate the daughter me and the carer me – very difficult, it was almost as if I had to put on a mental uniform when I visited each of them as they began to need care. Perhaps your role as an Enabler will help you to ‘stand outside yourself’ a little. But I think the key is to put help in place to protect your parents’ vulnerability on a day to day basis to allow you to be their daughter whenever you see them. That doesn’t mean you stop protecting them yourself – you would be instrumental in instructing any carers on your parents’ needs – but it would mean the worries of day-to-day functioning would be lifted from you. I don’t underestimate the difficulty in doing this, nor the cost involved, and of course your Mum’s dementia may make it difficult for her to accept help from a ‘stranger’, but its probably the only way you will find yourself again, in amongst your roles and worries.

    Please don’t hesitate to worry at me, personally, as well as continuing to share your thoughts in your blog: so much better out than in. xxxxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gini, I’m so grateful for all the wisdom you provide xxx I totally see the role of Enabler is coming into play right now. I seem to find myself looking out for all possible hazzards.
      Once again, (as I seem to be champion at doing), I avoided ringing our Key worker yesterday with all my safeguarding concerns. I don’t why I put these important calls off. Perhaps, I hope the situation will improve.

      I’m really holding on to your experience of adopting a carer type role, whilst looking after my identity of daughter. You’ve had a lot of experience looking after loved ones and I’m so thankful that you share it with me.
      Also so grateful that you allow me my private rants!!!
      All my love to amazing you xxxxxxx❤xxxxxxxxx


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