I need to praise my daughter. She’s amazing how she reads me. Her hugs make me determined to kick my arse and keep going. I know she’s learning so much about life right now. She’s also probably learning how, sometimes, her Mum is a broken mess. I’m not proud of this. Hats, you are an absolute angel on Earth. xxxxxxx
The bloody DVLA and their letters!! The latest one for my Dad was about a field of vision test. My family and I are well aware of the fact that my Dad’s vision, four months on, is sadly showing no signs of improvement. The DVLA gave the 15th November date as the latest we could submit a field of vision test for Dad, before he faces revocation of his licence. Whilst we all know that Dad will probably never regain his ability to drive again, my Mum thinks otherwise.
Therefore, tonight my Dad was put through the ordeal of a test, to satisfy my Mum. My poor Dad couldn’t cope with the test. He had to abandon it halfway through. The Manager, Kerran, is so lovely, and knows exactly what is going on for my Parents right now. I know, sadly, my Dad will not be driving again. My family know this. However, it’s impossible to explain to my Mum that this is the case. She lives in a world where she believes my Dad will make a full recovery, and her trips to the coast will resume once more. I wish she was right and we were all wrong. I want my hilarious, sharp-witted Dad back so much. Being positive is one thing, but being realistic is protection against more heartache. I’ve always been a positive person, but I’ve learnt to be realistic.
So, tonight I’m faced with the realisation that both my parents have lost their independence. My Dad, post stroke, has always said that he never wants to drive again. My Mum, on the other hand, is a different story. I have cried lots tonight. My daughter and Al are amazing how they deal with my emotions. I’m not proud of letting my guard down, but sometimes life gets the better of you.
All I want my blog to do is, hopefully, give insight into dealing with Parents, who’s brains no longer work properly. Everyday presents new feelings and different hurdles. I have learnt that feelings and emotions need to be discussed. If you brush your emotions under the carpet, they’ll fester away. You can’t ignore emotions. They control who we are, as a person. It’s ok to have days where you struggle. Today is one of those days for me. I never imagined how hard it would be to see my Parents other than the familiar people they’ve been my entire life.
If my blogs today have bored you, my apologies. Sometimes, life kicks the stuffing out of you, momentarily. I think it’s ok to admit this. I’m not wallowing. I’m reflecting, and hopefully rebuilding.